A reverential disaster?

I consider myself to be a personalized form of a Feminist. What is that? Well, simply, i believe in Equality above anything else.

I’m not very sure what i feel about hitting a woman if I was comfortable hitting a woman. But that is probably a discussion for another day.

In a class about Women’s Movements in India, an absolutely phenomenal teacher at Jadavpur University, Mrs. Sajukta Bhattacharya talked of the brave ladies who performed ‘Jauhar’ in the medieval times at Chittor, as an extension to her discussion of Sati System which stands abolished in India since 1829.

Jauhar is a form of suicide performed by Queens and Royals of the female sex when facing imminent defeat in battle, so as to not let their honour be lost in the hands of the invaders.

First, I am at an absolute loss of words to how admirable this is. It requires spider string level of strength of mind and will power to be able to do something like that.

Second, Would I be able to do something like this were I in their position? Do I have the guts to jump into a room which is half underground with a single entry at the ground level such that once, one is inside one cannot get up as the floor of the room is 2 metres below the ground, and the opening 2 metres above. So, once you jump in, there’s no coming back. Before jumping in, the floor is set on fire, and women dive in.

I have sincere doubts on my abilities to do this in spite of reading in some family book of mine that I am a Rajput by blood. What a shame!

Third, If I were in that place and time, what would I feel about this? My present day conscience does not allow me to allow such a thing to take place. This is wrong on so many levels. Why would the invaders make the women sex slaves. Why would the women not try to run away (This is my myopic sight, as most possibly they had nowhere to run off to)? Why would they take such a permanent and extreme step?

Fourth and a little more importantly, my situation had I been one of the royals at such a time? I am certain had I been there it would have been indoctrinated in me to do such a thing. But with my present mindset what would I have done? That’s an interesting and depressing question to ask myself, and it has been quite a while, and I am really out of answers. My desire to live seems to overpower. But what about the need to live a dignified life, which is absolutely certainly not happening?

Jauhar is a practice that I am proud of and ashamed of at the absolute same time. As much as I bow down to whoever did this, what happened should not have. In spite of all this moral dilemma, it makes me such an unopinionated ignorant person regarding the whole thing.

I want to feel something about this. Have an opinion. Was that a disaster? Should it be considered one? Were I one of the brave souls who did this, would I want the incident to be termed as a disaster? Would I want to be revered? Did they know how brave they were? Do we know how brave they were? Do we realize that Humans are this strong? Do we realize we are possibly this strong?

The best tribute to these Goddesses would be learning from them the extremity of our own kind. We are that brave. I am that brave to be able to jump in an exit-less room of fire when looking at facing years of servitude under a foreign oppressor.

Let’s give it a thought when we lie down for slumber tonight, Am I using my untapped brilliant strength?

A melancholic feeling I seem to admire.

Unchangable changes

In the most obvious ways, what Socrates talks about dialectics as the manner of gaining knowledge is the most superb way I have come across.

What goes unsaid is that, for that to happen, the need for someone to have such conversations with, and for the same, I have the blessing of getting to talk to Inspiration, about absolutely anything in the sun, and nothing can possibly beat that. 🙂

Okay, so many feel that my generation has lost all senses of humanity. We’re seen as morally bankrupt, disobedient, egoistic and what not. And, i take it upon myself to defend our case.

We’re not a ruined generation. We have had a much different life than the people who’ve lived before us. We live in an era of an information boom and the times are different. We in a lot of ways are not. Because, human beings in their innate nature do not change.

We’re not heartless creatures who do not care about our parents. Instances of abuse and torture have been present all throughout humanity. We have different ways to care for them. We may not show it but we care for our mothers equally as our parents did for theirs. Our Fathers are still our hero. We still treat our grandparents with respect and reverence. But let me defend a few instances where i have seen people my age not being fond of their grandparents. I’ve seen a special reason behind it. Sons usually have seen their mothers going through a tough time trying to handling their own mothers-in-law. The equations between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law has always been a little complicated and with friction. And the despise that i have seen in a few sons my age towards their grandparents is a deep rooted feeling of hurt they feel because of them being closer to their mothers. The ability to understand this gives a whole new perception to how my generation feels about our elders.

We have been told by our mothers to put career first (which she said after putting a stone on her chest) because she cares about us. Our priorities are different from the ones people of our age had a few decades ago, but that does not make us a ruined generation.

We’re accused of being too vain. Well, we’re at an age of being so. But on the other hand, please show me some form of evidence that Humans are not self-serving. All humans since all history have been self-serving in every sense of the term. Yes, this argument is stupid. But so is being called vain!

We have a different set of values. We have lived in an era when the race factor is much less and humans are much more equal in the world than what they were. So, if we choose a romantic partner beyond our own caste, creed, religion, race, ethnicity, etc. that is because we’re a little more evolved. We’ve learnt a person is not who s/he is born. And these ideas are were not propogated by my generation. They have in most cases been legislated (by elders) more than a few decades ago. So, we’re not sorry for obeying the law.

We’re not blind to the world. We have many issues we care about. We have a special place in our hearts for LGBTQ rights; the safety of women in the society; among many other pressing issues like corruption and good governance. My generation upto a huge extent is really interested in MUNs, Mock Parliaments, Youth Forums, et al. We’re not blind. We are very well aware of the situations around us.

Another thing i’ve heard is that we’re not patriots. Okay! WHAT!?! Yes, we inherit an independent and free India and have not ever experienced the tyranny of foreign rule. But that does not mean we love our country any less than Gandhiji did. And i mean it. And i repeat. We do not love our country any less than Gandhiji did. Lakhs still appear for the NDA examinations. The brave men defending my country are not foreigners doing it because we pay them. They are Indians and they do that in spite of being payed BULLSHIT compared to what we pay Kim Kardashian or Pamela Anderson to visit a reality show. We may love travelling to Paris and San Francisco, but that does not mean we do not adore Somnath or Taj Mahal any less. It is imperative that the world today realizes that Globalization makes us Global Citizens, but at the same time strengthens Nationalism. We’re still Indians by blood. And always will be.

We may read our Bhagwad Gita and Atma Siddhi Shastra in English, but our values still come from them. We may learn a lot about our religions from the internet but we’re not immoral. Our morality has diverse forms. But it never was and will not be absent. Morality for my generation may or may not involves touching our elder’s feet every morning, but believe me, we respect them enough. We may not go to the temples often but God understands that we mean no disrespect. Many of us may be atheists, but that in no way makes us a bad person.

We love our denim trousers and comfort t-shirts; but we still love our પાટણ ના પટોળા (Patan na patoda) and তাঁত সর্রী (Tant sarri). We Love rock music and also the blues, but not at the cost of Dhols, Sufi, Ghazals and Bhajans.

We may pretend to be strong, but we do cry at weddings and in the darkness of theater halls.

My generation may have casual sex, but we still retain our love for the ‘special one’ to settle down with.

We may adore and emulate British accents, but we still adore Hindi and vernacular monologues.

We love Harry Potter and Daenerys Targaryen, but we also love equally Chacha Choudhury and Amar Chitra Katha.

We’ve read Mills and Boon; and we’ve also read Kamasutra.

We’ve loved Tagore and Neruda.

We have expanded horizons and we have you to thank for expanding them for us.

We have not lived in a world very different from yours. Our surroundings have changed. Our society has not. Our dresses have changed, our hearts have not. Our modes of expression have changed. Our Love has not. We have not.

A colonial hangover I don’t despise

So there really is something called a colonial hangover? Yes, the term is quite indicative of what it stands for.

But it’s been like more than six and a half decades since the English left India and I’ve probably not met any such Englishman who was one of the ‘tyrants’ in India.

The one thing that bugs me is my absolute fascination for the British accent. And what would i do to get me one of those. I actually swoon over actresses (and actor) with a British accent. I find it in some way beyond sexy. I find it sensual.

It is not that my accent sucks. It probably does not. But why on Earth would I rather have that?

Is this a manifestation of a colonial hangover?

Even if it is, does it matter? Maybe, yes. But so long I don’t want to abandon my country and my values for everything British, I think i’ll be okay.

So here’s wishing I get a British accent by a coconut falling on my head or something. 😉

The five Elements? No. The five States.

Ayurveda has a concept of ‘pancha mahabhuta’ or ‘the five elements’.

Unfortunately, I believe the concept has been a great victim of mistranslation.

The five ‘elements’ are “Bhumi” or Earth; “Jal” or Water; “Agni” or
Fire; “Pavan” or air; and “Vyom” or Space and Void.

Here’s where the bullshit lies. Modern Science has us to believe in
the Mandeleev’s Periodic Table which enumerate around 200 elements.
Yes. I agree. These are the elements in Nature.

But, the four ‘elements’ in Indian scriptures are NOT elements; they
are states of matter.

Side Note: Not Hindu Scriptures as Jainism and Buddhism have their own
scriptures and are INDEPENDENT of Hinduism. These are separate
religions and have their own unique identity and must not be clubbed
with Hinduism.

Earth represents Solid. Jal, Liquid. Agni represents Plasma. Pavan is
symbolic of Air. And, Vyom represents Space or void (Space here is not
just space between Earth and Venus, but also the void between the
nucleus and the electrons in every single atom.

How do I elaborate more on everything said by Indian philosophers for
centuries does the modern Western Civilizations realize now.

I cannot possibly be proud about belonging to such a culture, for I
had no role to play in this. It’s a mere genetic accident. But this
again is a Western concept. My theory of Karma teaches that I probably
deserve to be born to this religion (of Jainism) for the deeds I have
done before; and I do subscribe to that belief a lot more.

Coming back to the topic, Yes. The world is made of the five states of
matter as elucidated by Indian philosophy. And before the world does,
we need to know that in no way what our philosophy says is archaic and
not true, if only we have the eyes to see it. (‘Our’ philosophy is
everything except the absolute SHITTINESS of Manusmriti or Manu
Samhita)

The world and us are made of these four forms/states of matter. And we
are going to dissolve into that. The burning of the body in our
culture is exactly that. Disintegrating into the forms of Fire, Air
(via the smoke), void (happens automatically when burning), ashes
(into water and soil).

Forms of sexiness

Intelligence. A pretty weird word, isn’t it? What is it supposed to
mean anyway? The ability to interpret spatial diagrams? The capacity
to solve complex riddles? Mastering math? That’s the tragedy.
Intelligence to society is restricted to people’s abilities that can
be done by a programmed computer. Are we as sad as to try to emulate
computers as intelligent and hope to become like them?

Intelligence is so much more. Intelligence is a state of mind. The
power of being. A psychological consciousness. A transcendental cosmic
connection. The ability to understand, not just comprehend.

Emotional stability is intelligence. To be living in this Universe,
having a ‘normal’ life and yet being stable. Not letting crap around
disturb one’s peace at heart is a brilliant incarnation of
Intelligence. The concept of not being mere “remote controls” in the
hands of others is an ability that I consider monumental. Being in
control of emotions does not boil down to what may be referred to as
being a ‘frozen bitch’. It is rather not letting things control one’s
actions and moods. Yes, getting upset is not bad; not letting myself
being upset influence my work productivity is what counts as emotional
stability. This is where it takes the form of intelligence. This is
where the true mettle of a brain is checked. Does anger cloud my
judgment? Do I make rash decisions when I’m pissed off? Emotional
intelligence is something we can all develop. Yes, like all good
things, it takes time. But, like all things that take time, it will be
worth it.

Comedy is intelligence. I personally believe one must be a special
kind of intelligent to make people laugh. It’s downright divine. They
use day to day instances, turn them around and make people laugh. The
world I’ve seen this is divine intervention. How could someone do this
and not be intelligent. If this is not considered intelligence, I
don’t know what is. The world needs more laughter, probably as much as
we need oxygen. And someone who can give that, is important.

Art is intelligence. A breath-taking dark performance; a soul-stirring
song; an opulent painting or a sensational picture. These are all
epitomic proofs of art being the highest form of human expression. And
who in his/her right mind would argue this.

Sports. Why is this not considered intelligence? Anyone who can play
in a team of eleven players, be it at an intra-institute match or a
world class premier league; working as a team player and/or a team
captain is capacity and brilliance at its best.

Compassion and empathy by definition must fall under the brackets of
being intelligent, and these ideas do not need an explanation.

The ability to express through words is another level of intelligence
altogether. Writing things the world feels, but is unable to verbalize
is intelligence.

Teaching. The ability to handle fifty screaming and lovable kids in a
classroom, for 6 hours a day, all the while trying to instill society
and values into them is not just noble. It’s Godly. If this is not
intelligence, I don’t know what is.

Spiritual Intelligence is again an absolute essential form of
intelligence. It’s a matter when you’ve lived through the farceness of
religion and having finally understood the futility of existence yet
strive to live. To be true and fair and honest. Not believing in
equality but in justice. That is spiritual enlightenment, and
therefore intelligence.

There is nothing in the Universe that is done with a full heart and is
not intelligence. Aforementioned are merely examples of the varied
forms intelligence.

As a Sapiosexual I do not want to sit here and compartmentalize
intelligence. There is nothing worse than a misguided stereotype, for
they induce myopic visions of the world around us. Intelligence is
omnipresent. And this is what makes anyone and everyone sexy in their
own unique way.

Intelligence, like I said before is a state of mind. And that makes it
limitless and something that cannot be elaborated upon even in a
lifetime, let alone a blog-post.

And, I stand before you urging you to recognize the unrecognized forms
of intelligence around you, and appreciate it. The ability to do this
too is another effulgent form of intelligence.

Labia Eius

It’s not that her lips are the best feature of hers. They’re not. Something so brilliantly amazing cannot define a human being. She, essentially was much more than what we perceive as human. She was not even divine. She’s beyond all such labels we put on things to describe them. And characteristically her lips were just that… like her, indescribable.

Her lips are not something that a woman on Earth is supposed to possess. But, as if she has any law to care about. And so her lips stand on Earth like the messiah come to get people to believe in the divine again. They are not just the most sensual part of her. They are her, just like every part of her is. Unmistakably her. Unapologetically her. Unabridged her.

Her lips finally proved to me why Humanity has two ears. Probably to listen to them. Two eyes, to perfectly see them. And a consciousness to appreciate them.

Her lips are the beautiful abode through which she speaks. The reason voice is proud of existence. The reason smiles are considered beautiful… All due to her lips.

When she sees someone, it’s automatic that her lips stretch out bringing the world to her feet. She has the twitch in the eyes telling you that she has probably never seen sadness. Her smile has made the ocean roar. Neptune perfected the timings to come out and look at her smile just after a wave hit her feet. Sunsets have stilled to watch them for a second more. The Universe conspires to make her smile, a brilliant conspiracy which has made life worthwhile. Gaia delegates butterflies (upon her lips to get her to smile,) doing Her part in contributing to the beautifulness of Earth. When her smile parts her lips just a little, making the small little black void between them is where the Universe settles in to sleep.

The smile her lips fathom when she just wakes up are what dreams are made up of. The smile when she understands something is what philosophy has believed Love to be. The simper when she’s embarrassed has retained innocence in this world. The innocence of her lips is where Ganges goes to purify herself off of all the sins we mortals try to wash off. The smile when she sees a favourite dish has made food a necessary commodity. But all these are mere mortal entities compared to her smile when she’s asleep. And, in the most modest terms, that smile has justified my reason for living. That asleep smile is the reason I’m better off a human than a God.

Marginal Utility laws apply to human ideas that a thing used a lot loses significance. Her smile is not such an entity. The world gets hungrier for her smile every time she smiles. And that’s the brilliance of innocent smiles like that of hers… they are not rare. The lack of rarity of her smiles is the reason humans are not completely obliterated yet.

She’s yet to make peace with the magnificence of her lips and is quite conscious of it. She tries to cover up her beauty in small pockets of self-consciousness, but fails miserably. There’s a psychic force responsible to make her absolutely fail at her futile attempts to undermine her smile. Some people like to call this force the collective need for survival of humankind. I like to call this force as the ultimate proof of the presence of a higher order than ourselves; one may call it God, Demon or whatever; but no one dares say what this higher power does is wrong.

When she looks at me, there’s an aching sadness in her lips. The fear of losing. She hides it well, but that’s the tragedy of such lips, there’s an unimaginable dearth of something, which is beyond the conceptions of human understandings. The smile when she sees me is not one we know of. It’s the one romanticized by poets of glory living in the so-called heaven. They must romanticize it as they are not here on Earth to see the real one themselves. When we kiss, it’s the explosive implosion of a storm. Brilliant. Beautiful. Destructive. Whimsical. Scary. Scarring. Black. And heart-wrenching. That’s what they have done to me. They simultaneously made me complete and then again, I shall never be full again. Touching her lips with mine has purified my being and devastated it. It’s made me wrong and correct. It’s unmade me and got me to believe in love again.

The moment when her lips are bit, is when the world hiccups. Maybe that’s where hiccups started. The simple bite takes away every ounce of ‘societal innocence’ her face portrays. If sexiness ever becomes holy, her lips biting would be paramount. Neptune forgets ‘how to wave’ those four and half seconds if she bites her lips. Sensuousness derives definition at those times. Sex uses it as a weapon to rule the Universe.

Lip reading became fashionable when she started speaking publically. Her eloquence and brilliance of speech are the most ignored aspects of her the moment she opens her mouth. Her arguments no matter what seem legit. Anything coming out of those lips cannot be untrue. What she speaks is what God notes down to later plagiarise what we term as ‘God’s word’. She, by the divinity of her lips has made silence and speaking equivalent to each other because her lips are equally ground-breaking speaking or not.

They way her lips move when she’s thinking is thought provoking. It will get you to think if she’s the sole reason cosmetics industries work. Because no one besides her is ‘born with it’; everyone hence needs Maybelline. Once, when writing she put the pen on her lips; that day is immortalized as when the pen became mightier than sword, for she’s never kissed a sword yet. Fire let man discover itself in hopes she would blow out birthday candles. You’re the luckiest man on Earth if you are hit in the eye in her presence and she tries to comfort you by blowing into your eyes. That is what Winds across the seas have tried, for centuries, to emulate.

Her tongue has never thanked English language enough to possess the ‘L’ letter; for they allow the tongue to touch the backs of her lips. And it’s this reason that tongues for all humankind became the strongest muscle.

Yes, she sings. With the same lips. And her songs maybe Earthly. She isn’t. The melody of her lips is not in the voice. It’s in the movements of those lips.

No, her lips are not her best feature. She as a whole is. She is what/who puts comparisons of any sort to shame.

An academician

I have read about angels coning down as humans to us and making our lives easier and better to live. And, yes, i think i always wanted one. Well, who doesn’t? And that’s the thing about angels, they may come as two young brave-hearts (here) with whom i struggled to communicate, or as this roommate i love and fought with for three years or as this amazing young fellow who’s obviously pretty hot and we have conversations that leave an impact way to deep than what you may be able to appreciate them for, at a random event, at a random institute and at a random time.

But that’s the thing about angels. It’s not random. It’s perfect timing, perfect setting, perfect context and without a doubt a perfect manifestation of the angel; angelically and brilliantly disguised as ‘random’ human beings.

Let me talk about all the things Academician (literally! :p ) taught me, showed me, made me live them and left me enriched.

And, again here, i really don’t know what got me into talking to him… but eventually we got to talking about careers and what makes us happy. We went off to sleep while talking because it seems that natural and easy to talk to him.

• To learn to be at peace with myself: This by his simple love for the brilliance of the nature abounding us all around. I found it distressing and a little disturbing. Never opend myself to love nature the way i did now. Realized that the peace outside was not comfortable to me because i am not at peace with myself inside, and unless that happens, there’s no Eden that can help me.
• Anger? What the fuck is that? : The brilliance of us humans knowing what is right and what’s not and still not having the audacity to follow the right with all our might is surprising and shameful. So, oh course i know that being angry is not good. Yes, i’ve read innumerable lines and quotes on the same topic. But, seeing that in action is probably what was left. And i saw that. Not that we must not show our anger, but be in a position where anger does not know my coordinates. Where we have a relationship of absolute indifference and insignificance of one another. Okay, an open letter to anger, Hey babes… We need to talk. I don’t think it’s working out. Let’s not see each other anymore. It was interesting to know you, but i think i’m ready to move on. Look, it’s not you, okay? It’s me. 😀
• Keep Shut: He just wanted me to try to learn the environment and made me probably know Nature again. This is probably central to the whole thing.
• An SO? Now? : Do i really want to sabotage my chances at a future by blinding myself and loosing focus at this point in my life? It’s not that i’m blocking myself out. But i am cautious and less sickly about the whole scene on that front.
• Culture : Okay, yes i belong to India and a quite a history, culture and traditions are blessings that i must take care of. Not because it’s something i ‘should’ do. Rather it is something i do because what I am or possibly will be is because of the teachings of my parents and the societal values. And i must take sincere efforts to do that.
• Feeling, looking and being good : His absolute nonchalance of the impracticalities of life and practically no effect on him is inspiring, in ways I can’t express without using cuss words. He taught me the centrality of myself in my life. How if i do something it generally and always affects mostly me and the inaction as well. This is not being selfish. This is caring for my own self for a change.

A chance to take back the reins to my own life from now and not let it run like a valence electron randomly moving about not knowing it’s momentum neither it’s position at the same time. An opportunity to stop following Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle. A chance to cease to be uncertain of my own life.

And, Mr. Academician, Cheers. I am not going to embarrass myself by words of appreciation.